The way we were
by Glamac
Summary: Willow and Spike have an talk between friends, about what they were and what Buffy is asking them to do.


Disclaimer: You know it. I don't own any of Buffy or Spike or anything.  Just this story and my own thoughts. The Rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the WB Television Network…

Spoiler: Trough Season 7, after Get it done  
Summary: Willow and Spike have a talk about what they are and what Buffy wants them to be. 

Author's Notes: Just wanted to say thank you to my beta readers Ali and Kitt Katt.

The way we were

By Glamac o3/o3

Spike was sitting on the kitchen table and was drinking his blood when Willow came in. It was unusual quiet in the house and it seemed that besides the both of them nobody was awake anymore.

Willow sat down beside Spike and poured some water out of the bottle that stood on the table in a glass

„Tough day, today, he Red?" Spike was asking her looking at her from the side.

„You can definitively say so," answered Willow, before she started to drink.

„Have you been with Buffy? How is she, is she alright?" Spike asked without looking at Willow.

„She's been on a really hard trip, but now she back here with us," Willow answered while putting the empty glass back on the table.

„Because of you and the mojo you did." He took one last gulp out of the mug and also replaced it back on the table.

„And because of the demon you drag back here." While saying this she gave the Vampire sitting beside her on the table a better look and noticed the black leather coat he was still wearing. "You took her words serious", she said to him, indicating with her head to his coat.

„Looks like I did, isn't it. I'm always doing what she asks from me. I once told Angel, that _it made me sick to my stomach seeing him being the Slayer's lapdog_ and today I am the same. And she has to remind me, what I should be.

He let the mug slide over the table from one hand in to the other, when he continued emotionless.

„Did you know, that I offered her to go. But that's not what she wants. She wants me to stay here. But I should go. I may have an soul and no chip now, but still I'm not free. And I don't mean Buffy, my feeling for her. There are a lot of people who have to live with unreturned love and they still make it. But I'm a threat, for Buffy and for all the other people in this house. If I hear that song again? The First can still control me, has power over me." In his voice the enragement grew with every sentence he spoke.

„I thought I earned me my freedom. But like some wise men sad, the freedom lies not in the things we can do, it lies in the things we don't have to do, if we don't wont to do them. That kind of freedom The First is still denying me. Therefore I should go. But I cant, because she wants me to stay." He held the mug still tight in his right hand.

„You should stay. If she believes, that you are no danger, you should have confidence in her. Surely there is a reason, why she wants you here" answered Willow a little confused. 

„I don' t know, what she is aiming to. At first I thought I was because of me, but now I think it is only my strength she needs. She wants all strength and powers around her she can get. But I am a much greater danger, then my strength is a profit."

„This whole discussion is useless. She needs you and you are no greater danger than for example Andrew or me. Vampire or Human, soul or conscience doesn't matter. We all here are sources of danger, because humans can kill also. You just have to open the newspaper to read about it. And all I have to do is remember my last year. What I did back then." Willow hesitated to go on talking. She felt a cold shower running down her spine whenever she remembered the events of the last year. With just a small voice she continued.

„And still I'm here. If we can hold together we can defend us, only then. She has taken me back. After everything I did. She wants us both to overcome our greatest fears and present ourselves to them. That's what we both did last night. We know, what we are capable of. We know our dark sides in us.  Because in us they are stronger than in the others and therefore we have to use them. These dark sides in us are a to big part of us, for we could successfully repress them. We have to accept them and learn to use them for doing the right things. No matter what other people may think about them." She tried to speak courage into him and her at the same time, but he could sense, that she wasn't quite sure about it herself.

„Kennedy?, he asked soft. "She is scared about the power that really lies inside you, isn't she. Despite her little speech about the strong Willow in the living room. She had no idea." 

His eyes where so soft when he looked at her while he spoke. It is always amazing, how he could read the people around him so easily she thought. She could fess up with it.

„Yeah, she is really confused right now," Willow admitted. "I don't know if it wasn't to much for her and how our whole thing is going to continue over this or if it will continue at all. But that's how it is, that's also me. Tara knew it and she accepted it."

He sensed how she got sad while saying this and he could comprehend it so good.

„We both keep shocking the people, being what we are. It is a tightrope walk, isn't it pet. It is hard to find people who can accept both parts of our character."

She looked at him with big eyes, astonished about the truth in his words and gave him her encouraging smile. "And therefore we have to start with us. That's what we've done today, how hard it have may been at the beginning, it is a good start. That's what she wanted from us, to accept our fears and conquer them. 

„Do you think she is facing her fears to conquer them? Is she willing to give everything for that. Her feelings for me are a part of her fears and she doesn't even admit them."

"I frightened Kennedy. She didn't know me like this. The whole me. Buffy knows you, your whole you and doesn't want you to go. That's something. And you know her to, completely. Why do you think did she let them remove your chip? She accepts you how you are and she needs you. That's why she wants you to stay here. She needs your darkness to be whole, that's why she could refuse the offer of the demon. The strength out of the darkness, which she needs, for her, that's coming from you. And you need the light, that shines trough her. It guided you to the good, when you didn't  have a soul, just a chip. You two completed each other always. She is doing now, what you did all the past years. You showed her things about her, she didn't want to see, but still were a part of her and she had to accept them. Do you remember. You told her, she likes the fight, when she was still years away from admitting it. Like you, love to fight. You and Buffy are two peas in a pod." She smiled at herself about that expression, but it was the first thing that came to her mind. She saw him smile at this one too. 

„Maybe your right, Red, but that part of me made her always made her go off." Spike admitted with a smirk.

He remembered how he always liked the „Open-the-slayers-eyes-to-herself-game" they were playing. Watching her inner demons battle the battle of admitting the truth in his words and trying to covering the realization from him.

Willows continued. "This is also a part of the old Spike she wants back. And the one Angel told us about. He said: Once he starts something he doesn't stop until everything in his path is dead."

„You think she really believes the old Spike could prevent anything about the catastrophe that is awaiting us. I couldn't do it with Glory, why should old Spike be more successful this time then the new one?"

„Maybe not in the battle, but before and afterwards. When Buffy died, you had more heart and soul in your decisions than I did. That's what today counts more then ever." 

Then suddenly her thoughts drifted away and she wasn't talking to him any more.

"I couldn't accept the death. Not with Buffy, who I rised from the dead, nor with Tara, whose death made me the biggest Bad. Pure Evil. And here I stand now, on a path from which I know will lead to death and she wants from me to use magic again. There is an imminent danger in that.

Then her glance came back to him and a small smile spread around her lips as she continued. "But we all made our experiences in the last years and maybe they will be enough for a happy end."

Since he got back, he never had such a serious and important conversation with someone other then Buffy and he was sorry about it now. He should have talked to Willow earlier. He could feel, that they could have helped each other, because they had a lot in common. He wanted to show her that he understood her and put his hands slowly on her both, which she had folded on the table. He squeezed them tight one short moment and said: "We've both been trough a lot, have hurt people we love. It isn't easy, isn't it, luv."

She felt the connection too and gave him a smile full of friendship and love. „And we found people who loved us, no matter how bad we've been. They love and trust us. And if in the end it is love that can save us, you have to be here. To save her and let her save you. Maybe she knows all of that already. We have to stand to what we are, to give the people around us the chance to accept us as that and love us nevertheless and save us through it. That's how it has been with Xander back then. His love had saved me and the whole world. He knew my failures and what I've done and still loved me. If he hadn't the world would not be anymore."

„So, we can engage in our dark sides. It is the love that will save us, maybe? Both of us?," he asked, looking up from his hands. He was watching them the whole time while she spoke, like he was hoping to find there some answers.

„Yeah, that's what I think. And its not like I don't now what I'm talking about. After all I've been through his whole stuff already." She answered with a smile.

He let go of her hands and leaned back in the chair, lifting an eyebrow while looking her direct in the face:

„I'm really sorry I missed „Dark Willow", who tied Giles into knots. Such a pity I wasn't there, when you started to end the world. Bet, that was an great act. On the other hand, I should thank Xander for stopping you. Can you imagine this? The whole tortures I've been through, to become my soul back. Just to se to world go down with it. Didn't like the world ending stories even without a soul."

"I remember. Apocalypse was never your thing", she said now really laughing.

„That's something that didn't change till today. Despite everything, I still like this world. And this whole IMMORTALATY-Thing would end as a big joke, then, wouldn't't it."

„Thank god, there still things that wont ever change," she said while standing up from the table and still laughing. "I'm going to go to sleep now. Magic is exhausting and makes tired."

„Magic? What should I say then; I fought a Demon, twice my size. You just had to open a door." he said, both arms crossing behind his neck and stretching on the chair. He was now the old Spike, full of Humor.

„Good night Spike", she said smiling while she turned towards the stairs. 

„She's gonna see it," he called softy after her.

„Who, what", she asked once more turning to face him.

„Kennedy. She'll see the light in you, that shines much brighter then any magic, good or bad, could ever make it possible. And that's what counts." He said, still sitting arms crossed on the chair.

„Thank you", she smiled at him once more and went to the stairs.

„Good night, Red", he said as he heard her going up the stairs.

-----END ---


End file.
